> ## Content Index
> Fetch the complete content index at: https://www.sambeckbessinger.com/llms.txt
> Use this file to discover other available public pages before exploring further.

# BONUS: Some fave readings about parenting, alloparenting and nonparenting
- URL: https://www.sambeckbessinger.com/bonus-s-fave-readings-about-parenting-alloparenting-and-nonparenting/
- Published: 2023-10-27T16:20:25.000Z
- Updated: 2023-11-07T18:20:11.000Z
- Author: Sam Beckbessinger

I mentioned that, now that I'm in my late 30s and have fully entered my auntie era, I've been reading widely about fertility, parenting, alloparenting and nonparenting. Here's a collection of some lovely essays, books, and podcasts you all suggested for me. 

*A general content warning: some of these pieces feature explicit discussions of baby loss, so avoid if that's a sensitive topic for you right now.*

### **On fertility, pregnancy and other forms of creating families**

- Anna Hartford's essay ["Unfathomable Life"](https://yalereview.org/article/anna-hartford-unfathomable-life?ref=sambeckbessinger.com#:~:text=It%20was%20some%20covert%20virus,Jonathan%20had%20done%20it%2C%20inadvertently.) in *The Yale Review* about the impossible choices faced during fertility treatment.
- The superb superb novels [*Detransition Baby*](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/48890225-detransition-baby?ac=1&from%5Fsearch=true&qid=34Oa1XNNET&rank=1&ref=sambeckbessinger.com)(Torrey Peters)and [*The Argonauts*](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22929741-the-argonauts?ref=nav%5Fsb%5Fss%5F1%5F13) (Maggie Nelson), about creating queer families.
- Joanne Ramos's provacative novel [*The Farm*](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/41398025-the-farm?ref=nav%5Fsb%5Fss%5F2%5F8), exploring the ethics of surrogacy in a capitalist hellscape.
- Claudia Dey's charged essay ["Mothers as Makers of Death"](https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2018/08/14/mothers-as-makers-of-death/?ref=sambeckbessinger.com) in *The Paris Review.*
- Leslie Jamison's essay about pregnancy and eating disorders, ["The Quickening: A Story of Two Births"](https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/09/leslie-jamison-pregnancy/594784/?src=longreads&utm%5Fsource=Longreads+Newsletters&utm%5Fcampaign=4ba8912368-Longreads%5FTop%5F5%5FAugust%5F23%5F2019&utm%5Fmedium=email&utm%5Fterm=0%5Fbd2ad42066-4ba8912368-238690109&mc%5Fcid=4ba8912368&mc%5Feid=8d0476fb4c) in *The Atlantic.*
- The memoir [*The Rules Do Not Apply*](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/32572166-the-rules-do-not-apply?ac=1&from%5Fsearch=true&qid=muHRraLmt3&rank=2&ref=sambeckbessinger.com) by Ariel Levy, about divorce and miscarriage.

### **On not having children**

- Ann Patchett's marvellous essay about choosing to be childfree, "There Are No Children Here" in the collection [*These Precious Days*](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56922687-these-precious-days?from%5Fsearch=true&from%5Fsrp=true&qid=EvPgP2Bvpj&rank=1&ref=sambeckbessinger.com)*.* My favourite thing ever written on the topic.
- The essay collection [*Selfish, Shallow and Self-Absorbed*](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21853680-selfish-shallow-and-self-absorbed?ac=1&from%5Fsearch=true&qid=W9X4JWLk6y&rank=1&ref=sambeckbessinger.com)\- a mixed bag of essays I loved and essays which frustrated the heck out of me, but the overall picture is nuanced and illuminating.
- Lisa Hanawalt's sweet and poignant cartoon essay on choosing horses over children, [**"Choosing Horses"**](https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/12/26/why-i-chose-horses-instead-of-babies?utm%5Fcampaign=falcon%5FmHCX&utm%5Fsource=facebook&utm%5Fmedium=social&mbid=social%5Ffacebook&utm%5Fbrand=tny&utm%5Fsocial-type=owned&fbclid=IwAR2oFSm6mNtixHiO03ilK-wDhTTjm753ZEmolPVPv2iTi1Wvpfs6q5-NAG4)**.**

### **On alloparenting and the auntie/uncle/auncle life**

- Patricia Lockwood's luminous novel about aunthood and children who die too young [*No One is Talking About This*](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/53733106-no-one-is-talking-about-this?from%5Fsearch=true&from%5Fsrp=true&qid=YrK2vpPLtS&rank=1&ref=sambeckbessinger.com)*.*
- The practical *NPR Life Kit* podcast episode ["How to be a supportive adult in a kid's life".](https://podcasts.musixmatch.com/podcast/life-kit-01gttmmw40ccvdxeykj4f3epze/episode/how-to-be-a-supportive-adult-in-a-kids-life-01h5m72g80a6hy5gjfwvepz8pj?ref=sambeckbessinger.com)
- Anne Helen Peterson's helpful, wise essay ["How to Kid-Proof Your Friendship"](https://annehelen.substack.com/p/how-to-kid-proof-your-friendship).

### **On parenting**

- The 2023 Mencare report on ["State of the World's Fathers"](https://www.equimundo.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/State-of-the-Worlds-Fathers-2023.pdf?ref=sambeckbessinger.com).
- The online community [Good Inside](https://www.goodinside.com/?ref=sambeckbessinger.com).
- Season 5 of Jen Thorpe's wonderful [*Living While Feminist*](https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/living-while-feminist/id1531010677?ref=sambeckbessinger.com)podcast, which is centred on the theme "parenting while feminist".

Got something to add? Pop it in the comment box below!